but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
