I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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