dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
