No stitches, just platelets and will power
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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