i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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