dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
