who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
