Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
