Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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