Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was like having sex with a tree stump
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
