Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
