I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize