I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
