I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
