Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
