its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
