I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
