I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
