He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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