well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
