Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Michael Bay diarrhea
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
