I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
