I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
