I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
