I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
