you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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