Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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