I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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