Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
