I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
