I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
