I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
