Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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