There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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