At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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