Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
love makes seman taste better
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
