Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Someone signed my nipple.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
