I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
