We're facebook friends in real life
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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