I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
