Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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