If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
