I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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