i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
