My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
