I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
