Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Drunk is a universal language darling
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