went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
