It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
