hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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