I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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