Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
