this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
