I'm so fucking centered right now
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize