i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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