Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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