it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
