My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
