I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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