shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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