Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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