Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
