I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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