I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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