You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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