Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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