I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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